Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Wednesday Wisdom...A Romantic Tip!


Unresolved problems can lead to hostility and resentment. Using problem solving strategies can help you bring back the romance, and open the lines of communication that usually are shut down during this time.

Make time for solving problems together. Yes, you might even have to schedule an actual appointment with each other. When you make a commitment to come together and talk, put the electronic devices on vibrate, better yet...turn them off, all of them! If you have kids always make sure they're tucked in for bed. Don't answer the phone, let it go to voicemail or answering machine.

Key tips:

1. If you know that you can't communicate without raising the roof, go to a public place like the park, or a restaurant and set up some ground rules like....not interrupting each other. I know it's hard sometimes not to, but better when you don't. It will immediately make the other person feel important when they can see that your really listening. Don't use finger pointing or words like "You always", "You never" or I told you so.

3. Don't forget that a large part of communication is listening. Don't be distracted, stay focused on each other and make sure your body language reflects that. Reiterate what you hear so the other person knows you're getting the message by rephrasing, especially if you're not clear about something. Say things such as "What I hear you saying is"....."I don't feel like you pay me enough attention" or "We need to spend more quality time together". Whatever your feeling, now is the time to discuss it.

4. Before you walk away, hug and agree to work on problems together. Have mutual respect and trust that, whatever the other person is feeling is real.

5. At no time after you walk away should you go back on your word to be a better person to the other. Don't throw up the fact that the other person agreed to do this or that. Schedule another appointment and sit down to discuss what may or not be working! Eventually you'll get it right!

Working through problems together will lead to better communication which will open the door for greater romance to find it's way in!


Anonymous said...

I'm one of the ones that would raise the roof! Thanks great tip!

Marie said...

I tried to pick out the most important words to quote, but I could not find any to leave out. Great post content! Could save a marriage.

Hmmmm. I think "follow through" is where we fail most often. The talking is easy for us after 25 years of marriage. Walking the talk is always the hard part. We tend too make too many promises at once. If we could each implement and master one promise at a time... then hold that one and move to the next...

You have a way of getting me thinking. :-) BTW, I enjoy your tweets and receive a lot of encouragement from them.

Romantic Decorating and Design said...

Thanks for stopping by and leaving your thoughts behind! I indeed think that follow through is where most people fall short. That's where the real work comes in. I truly beleive that you have to think daily about your relationship, just like you do at work. It's a job and requires hard work, work that should be priority one!

Jess said...

These are great tips! It's nice to see some really useful, and well-thought out advice in the blogosphere :)

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